Holidays come and go, but your ex-spouse is forever. This simple truth guides my advice to clients who share children with their soon-to-be former spouse. The secret to a smoother post-divorce life—benefiting both the children and the parents—is almost too practical to believe.
I often ask my clients how they wish to be treated after the divorce is finalized. I then ask how they want their co-parent to treat their children and teach them about holidays. Think about it: religious celebrations, birthdays, Father's Day, Mother's Day, and everything in between—these special occasions continue regardless of your marital status. What's the solution? It's refreshingly straightforward.
Consider your former spouse's birthday as a prime example. Just like any holiday, if a gift is appropriate, encourage your child to select a meaningful present or create something at home. A homemade birthday card and a simple cupcake can work wonders, adding that sweet gesture that signals to the other parent that you value them—at least for the sake of your shared children. While these may seem like small acts, they represent monumental steps in healing.
Co-parenting encompasses numerous challenges. You must communicate with someone you no longer wish to be with. You must prioritize your children's well-being, often working together to achieve it. How do you build genuine goodwill that both strengthens your co-parenting relationship and teaches your children valuable life lessons? By recognizing the importance of the other parent and giving them the respect they deserve.
After all, divorce ended your marriage—not your children's need for two respectful, cooperative parents.
