Some lawyers adopt an aggressive stance as a deliberate strategy, believing it will secure better outcomes for their clients. Others may be combative by nature. It’s important to distinguish between tactical aggressiveness and genuine unprofessional behavior. Strategic aggressiveness might include assertive negotiation or forceful advocacy on procedural issues. Unprofessional hostility may show up as personal insults, refusal to cooperate on routine matters, or unnecessary obstruction. Understanding the difference helps determine the best response of whether to counter strategically or to document and address misconduct through formal channels.
Family law clients often feel personally attacked when the opposing party or their counsel is hostile. The first rule is don’t respond in kind. Escalating the conflict usually benefits no one, and it can undermine your credibility before the court. Attorneys should model calm professionalism for their clients. Clients should work closely with their attorneys to vent frustrations privately, rather than in pleadings, emails, or during depositions.
If opposing counsel floods your inbox with emails at all hours or uses phone calls or letters to intimidate, establish clear communication boundaries. For example, you might insist on written correspondence when appropriate, set office hours for responses, and request that complex issues be addressed in scheduled meetings, rather than spontaneous calls. Written communication also helps create a clear record in case the conduct escalates and needs to be brought to the court’s attention.
Courts recognize that litigation can involve unreasonable behavior. If opposing counsel refuses to produce discovery, sends inflammatory correspondence, or violates ethical obligations, use the tools available, such as filing motions to compel, or for protective orders, requesting sanctions where justified, and seeking the court’s assistance to limit harassing behavior. However, weigh carefully whether the issue genuinely warrants court intervention because frequent motions over minor issues can backfire.
It’s easy to be pulled into side battles by responding to inflammatory accusations or endless procedural skirmishes. The best antidote is to focus on your client’s ultimate goals. Identify what matters most to your client (e.g., custody arrangements, financial security, finality). Try to avoid distractions that don’t serve those goals. Communicate regularly with your clients about progress so they feel informed and reassured.
In family law, credibility is of paramount importance. Suppose you’re dealing with dishonesty, misrepresentation, or abusive communications. Do things like saving emails, texts, and letters, summarize phone calls and in-person conversations in dated notes, and keep an organized file so you can produce evidence if the court’s intervention becomes necessary. This is especially important in high-conflict custody cases where patterns of behavior can influence the court’s view.
Mediation or settlement conferences can help, especially in contentious cases., A neutral facilitator may succeed where direct negotiation has failed by lowering the emotional temperature and focusing on practical solutions.
Whether you’re a family law attorney or a party to the case, dealing with conflict can take a toll. Lawyers should seek peer support and strive to maintain a work-life balance. Clients should consider counseling or support groups to process stress constructively.
A calm, focused advocate paired with a resilient client is the best team for weathering even the most challenging opposition.
