Every parent wants to make their child’s dreams come true, especially during the holiday season.
Sometimes a child’s only stated wish is to have his or her divorced or separated parents celebrate the holidays together. Now, you’re wondering whether you should grant this request.
The first question to ask is what is the status of your relationship with your co-parent? This can be a tricky and complex question as relationships ebb and flow and the status can vary. More specifically, and on the most basic level, can the two of you get along?
Here are a few things to consider.
You and Your Co-Parent Do Not Get Along
For the benefit of your child(ren), you should not attempt to spend the holidays together.
Even if you think you can “fake it ‘til you make it,” children are incredibly perceptive and will pick up on the tension between you and your co-parent and will likely experience negative consequences as a result.
In this case, a carefully crafted time-sharing arrangement will be best suited to provide your child(ren) with meaningful time during the holiday season with you and your co-parent in a relaxed and enjoyable environment.
You and Your Co-Parent Get Along
If you and your co-parent can get along, consider the parameters that will make for the best outcome for your child(ren).
For example, should your co-parent come for presents, dinner, both, neither etc.? The goal should be to celebrate your child(ren) and have your child(ren) enjoy their time. The focus should not be on you and/or your co-parent and it should not be a competition between the two of you for the affection for your child(ren). As they say, it takes two to tango.
If you can make this work but your co-parent cannot, you and your child(ren) are better off not attempting a joint celebration with your co-parent.
Keep the Communication Simple and Clear
Notably, though you and your co-parent may get along well enough to celebrate holidays jointly, the child(ren) should not have any misconceptions about you and your co-parent reconciling as part of this joint celebration.
Further, any other adult attendees ought to be on the same page about this messaging as well. Joint celebrations can be confusing for children so it is imperative that the messaging to them is clear.
Celebrating holidays with co-parents and children in common can be a joyous experience for all involved. In the event joint celebrations are not possible, an experienced family law attorney can help craft a time-sharing schedule for the holiday season for you and your family.
